WHAT DO YOU MEAN–A FAMILY DISEASE?

March 30, 2009 by wendy.

Tough times, economic and otherwise, often mean people use alcohol and other substances to “help ease the pain”. Unfortunately, alcohol and substance use may have an adverse effect  on the family - possibly leading to estrangement and even divorce.  This blog entry has been contributed by a guest author, Bonnie, Mucklow, LMFT.  See more information about Bonnie at the end of this article.

Alcohol and drug problems have a huge impact on family relationships and cause sixty-five percent of divorces.  Talk shows and radio hosts speak to alcohol and drug abuse as a Family Disease; but members who live with someone with alcohol and drug problems can be angry at this suggestion.  What, ME?  “I’m ok; its he/she who has caused all the problems in our family!”.  Counselors and therapists call it a disease for two reasons.  First,  addictions are based in our neurochemistry and altered pleasure pathways in the brain that make us susceptible to developing dependence on alcohol and drugs.  Second, a whole range of unhealthy emotions, broken relationships and ineffective behavior patterns result in response to the misuse of alcohol and drugs. 

Its useful to understand that the person using drugs and alcohol bears the primary responsibility for how drugs and alcohol hurts family members.  But family members, once they realize that addictive pattern, have a secondary responsibility to break the pattern of secrecy around the behavior, learn new and more adaptive behaviors in response to the alcohol and drug abuse and free themselves of the shame and guilt attached to the alcohol and drug abuse.  Here are a few suggestions:

 - Refuse to keep alcohol and drug abuse a secret from extended family, friends and coworkers- Continue to organize family activities, dinner together and family traditions, with or without the alcohol and drug abuser; these traditions help families protect themselves from the disappointment, fear and anger surrounding life with an addict- Talk directly to the abuser of alcohol and drugs about how their behavior impacts the family.  Avoid threats, lectures, and labels; instead describe matter of factly how the alcohol and drug use impacts other family members and creates problems- Discontinue rescuing the alcohol and drug abuser from the consequences of their actions- Refuse to do for the alcohol and drug abuser what they can do for themselves, ex. calling to cancel appointments, leaving messages for bosses or coworkers, doing household responsibilities for them

Bonnie Mucklow is a licensed marriage and family therapist and addictions counselor providing a range of counseling services to children and families.  Her office is located at Dry Creek and I25.  For further information, call her at 720-488-3822 or check her website at:  www.familiesatfive.com

Posted in Blogroll, General Divorce Issues | Print | No Comments »