Mediation Often Takes Courage

December 22, 2008 by wendy.

Divorce can be a frightening process.  In addition to all of the emotions involved in divorce, there are seemingly endless numbers of papers to file, numerous decisions to make, and uncertainties about the future.  Divorce can also be expensive, with filing fees, attorney consultations, possibly selling the house, and having to budget with more expenses but no additional income.  These expenses often add to a divorcing person’s sense of being overwhelmed.

During 2008, I saw a large number of divorces in my mediation practice.  Many couples chose to mediate for a number of reasons – as an alternative to expensive litigation; to be able to shape their own settlement agreements; or perhaps to keep the relationship with their spouse relatively amicable.  Regardless of the reasons, I find myself admiring many of the couples who come to me for mediation.  I think it takes a lot of courage to expose your financial (and marital) situation to a stranger (albeit a professional), and to discuss the dissolution of a once-hopeful and warm relationship.  With the advent of a divorce, people’s dreams are vanishing, and their lives will be changed forever.  It seems easier to have someone else do the fighting for you.  However, rather than having a safe barrier of an attorney who exchanges letters and requests for documents with the other attorney, people are choosing to face their spouses and really work together through their issues to create a settlement that is right for them and their children.  I think this courage, in spite of all of the emotions and trauma, is admirable.  I also think highly of couples who seek out experts to help them wade through the morass of inter-related divorce pieces they must assemble, such as child support, maintenance, taxes, the marital home, and the overall settlement picture.  They can then make informed decisions about their future and avoid some of the nasty pitfalls that can otherwise occur.

It takes courage to face a spouse and make decisions about your futures when it was difficult to do so during your marriage.  However, the process of mediation, while often difficult, uncomfortable, or painful, can make for a healthier and better future for your overall family – and that is truly laudible. 

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