November 19, 2006 by wendy.

   I sometimes have clients who are so overwhelmed with all of the details involved in getting divorced that they don’t know where they should begin.  One client wondered how he could get all of the tasks done and still be able to work and to function.

   There are two techniques people can use to handle the myriad of tasks required.  The techniques can be used either independently or together.  The first is to list, step by step, all of the major tasks that must be done, such as “complete financial affidavit”, or “finish parenting plan”, or “put house up for sale”.  Certainly, each person may have sub-tasks under each, but this way, the divorcing person knows what major steps must be accomplished.   Approximate dates can be established (sometimes the dates are set by the courts) so that the person knows how long they have to complete the work and can adjust their efforts accordingly. 

   The second technique involved focusing on the one task.  I advised one of my clients who was becoming scattered because he didn’t know where to start.  I suggested that he focus on one thing at a time.  Because he was at the stage of completing the financial affidavit, I suggested that he focus just on that one document, finding all of the supporting paperwork, and put his efforts into finishing it.  That way, he could then go onto the next step without thinking about all of the other things to do, which were distracting and might be premature without an agreement from his spouse. 

   Looking at the big picture or concentrating on the details - either way it is helpful for divorcing people to have a process to help them handle the multitude of tasks and get them through the divorce more easily. 

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November 9, 2006 by wendy.

   If you and your spouse are relatively amicable, but you have certain sticking points about your divorce, mediation may be for you.  Why?  You have a neutral third party helping you to reach resolution in a constructive way that is non-threatening, creative, and permits a friendlier future relationship.  You also have the opportunity to develop your own solutions, and not have them imposed upon you by a judge.  Moreover, people who help develop their own solutions are more likely to adhere to their agreements than those who have a solution mandated by an outsider. 

   If those are not sufficient reasons to try mediation if the situation is right for you, consider the costs of two attorneys, expert witnesses, and a protracted and hostile court case.  For some, the litigaged case is necessary.  However, many couples have difficulty living on two incomes, and living separately on one income will be very challenging indeed.  Cutting divorce costs may make sense to them as well. 

   So - it may be possible to save money, end your relationship constructively, and have a healthier future relationship with your spouse with mediation - if both want to mediate rather than litigate. 

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